I’m in the middle of main street in Managua on my way to Masaya. I am crammed/trapped in between two big men on the bus and the bus that I am taking is overloaded with ‘gente’ (people). Well, I guess it’s not too bad to reflect on my journey for the past two months with typical Latino America pop-music turned on by the conductor. Oh yes, the music is loud. Lots of crazy beats with high pitched voice.
I honestly do not know where to start. I always thought I should tell my supporters and friends about what I have achieved in Nicaragua. As you may know, only good transformational stories tend to touch the heart of others. However, after talking with my parents (who are in Malaysia) about this, I decided to tell you my honest and personal thing that I have gone through for the past two months.
I have been working with our partner organization called CCDH (Christian Center for Human Rights).
I have given this opportunity to assist designing tools to evaluate the impact of their work in their communities for their upcoming evaluation in 2016. Thus, I have been occupied with visiting different Houses of Justice in Nicaragua – learning about their work and their relationships with their communities. Each House of Justice also has a core of volunteer human rights promoters that offer grassroots training and civic education at the community level. Some focus on legal cases and some concentrate on training their communities on different laws, family protection, marriage issues, and child/women abuses.
Despite my visits and work, I wondered where I was standing. Maybe because of the extreme heat, congested roads, random men cat-calling at me, pushed and squished by the people on the bus, or maybe because of my imperfect Spanish skills, I was often frustrated with myself for more than a month. No one did anything wrong to me. My peers are great, my work is amazing, and my host family is lovely. But I wondered, ‘why am I feeling this way?’ Something was not quite right. Something was definitely off. What was I missing?
I realized I was not holding onto God unswervingly. I thought I was focusing on Him through my work and service. I even volunteer to tutor and to be involved with Young Life besides my work time. The Bible tells us to “…Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). So I have been trying to love and serve people around me. Yet, God knocked on my head and asked “How about me?” It was my mistake to put others first rather than Him being the first. Since I was busy serving others and paying too much attention to my work, I missed to look at God without realizing it. I was not “'Lov[ing] the Lord [my] God with all [my] heart and with all [my] soul and with all [my] mind” (Matt. 22:37).
When we are stepping away from God, we start to lose focus. We start to wonder. And when we start to think, we tend to try to find answers by ourselves which eventually cause us to depend on our limited knowledge. That’s when Satan comes in and messes everything up.
At least I am very thankful to God helping me realize this and bring me back to Him before everything turns into chaos like pieces of broken glass.
I don’t feel off anymore…I don’t feel frustrated at myself. Things could always get in the way when we try to have a tighter relationship with God. I feel really blessed that He didn’t let go of my hands. He did: DRAW ME CLOSER TO HIM and NEVER LET ME GO.
Please PRAY FOR:
- For my 2015-16 fundraising. Since I will not be going back to the states for my fundraising (due to my work), I do not know how and what it is going to look like raising sufficient fund here…Please pray for me to lay down everything to God and let Him control all the things that need to be done.
- For my work with CCDH as I will be starting to design different tools for their upcoming evaluation. I will be visiting the House of Justice in Matagalpa in June and I will be visiting the ASJ (The Association for a More Just Society) in Honduras in July. Please pray for me that God will provide His wisdom and discernment…
- For Nicaragua. The country should have already entered its rainy season. It rained few times for the past couple of weeks but its rainy season seems to be delayed. People in Nicaragua usually harvest twice a year, but due to the drought from last year, they only achieved to harvest once. We are not hoping to miss our rainy season again and we are praying to meet our harvest seasons this year.